Starry starry night... it's been a quiet night here, Dan and I being peaceful, and I carved a bunch of pumpkins. I love this star one...

Even Margaret went to bed early, and James was off for a buddy's birthday party. Last night Ally spent the night with us, and today we took her with us to James' soccer game, and to the Clinton Fall Festival. Man, it's been a long time since we've been responsible for a 4 year-old! I think that's why tonight felt so peaceful! She was a good little girl, but it's a higher maintenance level than I am used to.

Trees are starting to turn, normal drives are starting to be especially lovely. This is my favorite time of year.

Little Sean Alan Mead is sooo adorable. Can't wait to see him, snuggle him, smell his neck... Baby necks are Delicious.

A picture of Margaret and Chloe, looking mod. These are the gals I have to thank for tonight's music... This, and this...

A big welcoming thank you to Annie from Maryland who placed her first order for a mini-reading! I just sent it out, hope it is enlightening for her...

The evenings have been rosy and golden, and the moon has been pouring in our window. I feel like our bed is floating on a moonshadow- lovely.

I heard northern Michigan color is just starting. We'll go up to close our cabin and for our romantic anniversary trip in mid-October. I think we may hit the color peak! Too cool!

Hello Hello!! I have so many things to share! First, at left see Ally, my new granddaughter wearing the bird costume I sewed (felt feather by felt feather, by hand!) for my daughter Margaret. We started a rockin' dress-up box for her on Sunday. I'm a little new to this game, and I'm just hitting my stride. We got the Barbies out, too. Whoo hoo!

My sweet nephew Al and his wife Deb just had a perfectly GORGEOUS little boy! Congratulations to the little guy who carries on the Mead name!

It's a rainy night, but in a cozy, drippy autumnal kind-o-way. My music suits the occasion, this one was sent to me by a friend...

I saw another Hawk tonight, really close to the road and sitting regally on a branch. My magic encyclopedia says that hawks mean enlightenment- I'm growing, stretching, I am changing...

I turn over one card for me, and thank goodness it's a good one! The 9 of Pentacles, it's a time when I am feeling comfortable in my skin, comfortable in my world. Home and work and happiness is in a pleasant balance now.

My picture tonight is the edge of our yard/field, where the morning glories grow wild. It's a lovely, wild splash of color in my world.

Crazy week here! And yes, it's Friday and i wasn't able to go camping with Dan. The kids had too much going on, and someone had to do the driving. I told him I would like to be able to throw all my balls in the air and have someone catch them for me. (But I don't have a WIFE!) It's a testimony to the new-improved Dan that he was very understanding about my disappointment and has made some plans to make it up to me.

Weds was my eBay for seniors class, and they rock! Great sense of humor, nice mix, it was a successful class, and ran much more smoothly than Tuesday night. Last night we took my mother-in-law to Big Boy for dinner- she's just moved downstate for her health. As we went to pay, both our cards were denied. We were pretty outraged- we have money and were certain the Big Boy machine was screwed up. Dan walked over to an ATM and we paid, but what a way to look cool in of Dan's mom! Geeez! Take her out and not one, but BOTH cards DENIED!! So, I called Big Boy to complain this morning, positive their machine was at fault, and the manager promised to rake the offender over the coals. NOW, when I get home tonight the bank calls and they had to cancel a bunch of cards because they feared they could be compromised. D'ohhhh. Our cards WERE declined, and would only work at ATM's. Ummmm, i think i better call Big Boy and apologize....

So, James is having a buddy overnite; i downloaded a bunch of interesting TV shows for my laptop so i can hide out in my room and give the boys the run of the house.

Here is Margaret, eating cereal, and Petey wondering why there is none for him. He is the best dog ever!

I taught my first "Intro to eBay" class at Vo-Tech- 9 students, it's a pretty big class. It was soooo hot in there, and I am so unused to wearing heels my sciatica started acting up- by the end of the class I was hobbling around like Festus. Add in the heat, and I was a sweating, hobbling Festus. Tres attractive.

It was a good night though, everyone is at a similar level, and I think it's going to be a fun group. There are 10 in my class tomorrow morning; usually day 2 is a little smoother because I've had a trial run. I hope so!

I'm reading The Glass Castle, my sister Nancy sent it to me and it's excellent! The author is coming to Siena Heights this month, and my sister's and I want to go... It reminds me of The Liar's Club, these books are proof that a dysfunctional childhood is more interesting to read about than to live through.

Speaking of dysfunction, I saw an old friend tonight, and I was surprised by how the love I once felt just wasn't there anymore. I've come a long way in a short time.

It's an amazing day here, after our wonderful weekend my husband wants to take ME salmon fishing with him next weekend! This is an unprecedented female exploration into the he-man woman haters... He is planning a weekend for the two of us, and is actually concerned about me having fun! It's kinda blowing my mind... I don't think he understands that me going fishing with him means he needs to do something like the Art Museum with me...

When I complained about the road commission ripppppping my phone box off my house, I also mentioned that they are driving down the road about a million miles an hour. Well, that took the bounce out of Tigger- today the road commission trucks are crawling down the road today, AND they gave me extra gravel on the end of my driveway.

Thread count matters. Having taken what I believe may have been the best nap of my life this afternoon, not a statement to be taken lightly as I am the QUEEN of cozy naps, but today was a topper. We got up early for a soccer game for James (they lost by one point) then ran some errands, had lunch, then Dan and I snuggled into our wonderful Ralph Lauren 600 thread count sheets. It was a syrupy golden, cool fall day with a gentle breeze drifting past the wind chimes, through the window, and over our bed. I read just a little bit, then cozied in, and actually slept for an hour and 1/2- the purrrfect nap.

Which was much needed because it was a really funky week. You may have noticed I went awol again, it was not intended. They have been paving our road, and it has become inches higher in the process. On Weds. the Road Commission trucks were flying by at the freaking speed of light, catching our phone line on the top of their truck, springing it like a rubber band, and pulling our phone box off the house. We were phoneless/computerless for two days. Arrggghhh. My adventures with Verizon NEVER cease.

This picture is of Margaret and her frog... This HUGE frog (See upper right corner of pic) attached himself to her window every night for days. He was kinda creeping her out, I was sincerely starting to think she should kiss him, just to see what happened. However, after she took his picture, he stopped coming. (More prince-y proof to me!)

Friday night was James' first marching band experience at the Adrian Home game! He looked amazing in his uniform, and the band was really pretty good! The flag girls are amazing- they seem to do this random stuff with the flags, they have no rhythm and are relegated the back of the band in no-man's land, with seemingly no supervision. I swear, I thought they were going to put each other's eyes out!

Then, we arrived late, poor Dan had a Hideously long day, and we took our blanket and sat on the hill. As I get my bearings I realize, we are totally sitting in the midst of the "Middle school zone". We were the stooopid adults, who plopped ourselves down without realizing the huge social faux pas we were committing. The kids moved away from us, like repelled metal filings, leaving a space all around us. As the night wore on, we kept moving our blanket over, until we wound up in a more family friendly zone. (The kids expanded to recover our spots, churning, wrestling, flashing bracey smiles, and throwing grass on each other...)

It has been a beautiful weekend, cool and crisp. Last night Dan burned the limbs that fell off our ash tree, and it was a perfect fire. We shared a blanket and enjoyed the silver sliver of moon. Next week will be so busy, I've been relishing this time!

It was such a BEAUTIFUL day yesterday, cool, sunny and breezy, but it gave us a hint of the season that's on the way, our first Fall-like day. It has been sooooo buggy here, just clouds of mosquitoes descend upon us when we even open our door, but yesterday the breezes kept them down and we all drifted outside. James mowed the lawn, Petey and I played a hard game of "I'm gonna get you"- his absolute favorite.



My husband talked my son into clipper cutting his hair (he seems able to got to stores to buy hunting and fishing equipment in his spare time, however, a haircut has been beyond the realm of his comprehesion...hmmmm...)and when James turned on the clippers Petey started doing a low growl. Hehehee. It hits us then, the shih tzu has an INTIMATE relationship with the clippers, and was concerned we were coming for him. It was fun to turn them on and off, just to listen to him growl. I gave him a bath last night, he is sooooo fluffy and smells great. whatever he thinks of clippers, he LOVES the blow dryer, jumping into anyones lap if you turn it on.



I did a free eBay seminar put on by the Post Office, my friend went with me, and I saw another old friend while there. I teach an eBay class at out local adult Ed center, and I wanted to see if I was missing out on stuff. I was wayyy disappointed, although reassured that my class is better. It was pretty remedial, and he didn't have many examples to share. I learned more chatting with my friends after class! Oh well, glad I went if only for the reassurance and the social aspects!

Dan is back from his fishing trip, and I'm so happy to have him home! He got a couple of nice salmon, and had a great time fishing, making fires, and being an outdoor guy with all his outdoor guy friends!

I've been awol the last couple of days, but I'm back. I put up a picture of my "thinking spot" near our cabin, looking at this helps me find my happy heart.

My card today is the 2 of Wands, reversed, still working through my issues, my choices. I want to build a more goal-driven life for myself, short and long-term goals, to gain more focus and purpose. I'm still mulling over these things, I'll share more as I gain more understanding.

Well, I'm much more myself today, the doom and gloom behind me, back to counting up my blessings and feeling pretty good about my world. My brother Roger emailed me, "You know what?? You just need to find your happy heart--it will be easier on you and the rest of the world. Easy to say--good luck!!" That was sweet to hear. So, I'm working on my happy heart. But I'll tell ya, this last weekend, these mood swings are kickin' my ass.

I had lunch with my dear friend Mary, and got my hair done by the ever-divalicious Amanda. I am now a delightful shade of chocolate cherry red/brown- all the highlights gone for now, but it's really shiny and healthy, and my eyebrows are gorgeous! That went a long way toward bringing me out of the doldrums. Now, lunch and a pedicure tomorrow with Debbie- priceless.

I talked to Dan; they had seen salmon, but the fish were too wily for them. This is a picture of gnarly Dan with a big fish at our place up north a few years back. I'm sure visions of salmon with be swimming through his dreams tonight!

Happy birthday to my brother Roger, shown here in a 4 generational shot- My Dad, my brother, my nephew, and my great-nephew (Also my Dad's namesake...) I hope you have a wonderful day!

All those hawks I've been seeing, the Temperance cards I've been getting- umm, lots of angst today. I'm working on things to make it better, but it's a tough day.

My mama used to say she "hit a knot". She was going along, then she hit a knot in the rope, and it takes a little bit to work though it, until you are running smoothly again. I hit a knot today. It will pass.

Dan is off for a salmon fishing trip, although the word is the salmon aren't in yet, so it will probably be a lot of pan fishing. (And "argghhh arghhh arghh"-ing with men.) He had a pretty low-key birthday, I'm glad he's having some fun. And I hope his truck makes it... That baby is getting old old old- stranded by the highway pulling your boat is not the best way to start a trip. (Listen to how pessimistic I am!!!! Again, not quite myself today...)

I turn over a card, and it's 2 of Pentacles, reversed. This one is about juggling a lot- a lot of opinions, a lot of choices, and lot of plans; and feeling exhausted by the work of keeping it all up in the air at once.

That makes sense.

I love Sublime. Listening to this and feeling a lil' lonely tonight. Missing old friends.

It's first day of school, and I'm up soooo early again! James is starting High School, Margaret is a Sophomore, I had to put up one of my fave "Little M & J" pics so I could remember them as they used to be. Although, they are pretty cute today, too...

owwww, the bus just paused, and drove on. With my current job I am able to drive the kids (plus Chelsea the neighbor) to school and let them avoid the bus. The bus comes at 6:30, an we leave by car at 7:15... 6:30 is wayyyyy too early.

Well, I turned over a card for today, and it's Temperance! This link I found speaks of Hawks and what they mean, because I am seeing Hawks all over the place. It spoke of the Tarot connection, and this said the Temperance card is connected to the Hawk. Well, I seem to be connected to both just now, I wish I were clever enough to see what it means to me. my books encourage the person with the Temperance card to avoid the extremes, keep to the middle of the road in difficult situations- stay calm in the midst of other people's craziness. Reversed, it tells of getting sucked into other people's dramas, of going to extremes. Hmmm, I'll try to keep all this in mind as I go forward.

My son switched my desktop to a picture of some rodent with an automatic weapon- i HATE when they borrow my stuff and mess with the settings (or break it, or not return it... Still working on respect for my things with these guys.) Anyway, I changed my desktop to Kipling West's Picket Moon Ouija Board- i am in LOVE with the stuff she does. Another favorite is Salamander Night Garden Ouija. Add a Kipling West Ouija board to the Mystery Date game in the category of "stuff I'd love to own..."

Margaret and I are feeling much better today, we went school shopping today- school starts tomorrow-YIKES!!! We had our partying and picnicking yesterday. It was a good day for shopping, the mall wasn't crazy busy, and there were lots of sales. We separated, Dan & James and Margaret & I, when we rejoined M had 4 pairs of jeans, 5 undies, 2 hoodies, 3 shirts and 2 sweaters, jewelry, perfume, and eyeshadow. All this in an hour and 15 minutes- we ROCKED the shops. However, James had 2 pairs of shorts and a shirt, and said Dad spent the rest of the time at Dick's Sporting Goods. Sigh. James was very bummed he was stuck in the non-productive shopping team, Dad=Shopping Anchor, and we stopped off at the local mall for 4 t-shirts and a pair of shorts for him, making him content. (He got a clothing influx a few weeks ago for his Rhode Island trip, he needed less...)

And now, what I got! Such a treat- I got this ghost candle at Yankee... something about the fire makes these fiber optics change colors in his body- while he burns he glows red, purple, blue, and green! I think he's cool as heck, Margaret was less impressed.

I will turn some cards tomorrow...

Sunflowers at the market are 3 stems for a 1.00! What a deal! I always come home and pick some things from the yard, and create arrangements for all over my house. This is my bedroom display, in an estate sale milk bottle.

I finally got my pictures of our vacation online, see them here- 3 Bears Fun.

I'm home tonight, James and Dan went to the neighbor's Barbecue, M & I feel crappy, we're snuggling in tonight hoping for better luck tomorrow.

Speaking of luck, I see a lot of wildlife driving to work- turkeys, deer, raccoons, weasels, but lately I am seeing Hawks everywhere I go. For awhile I was seeing all this as a co-inky-dink, but today there was one perched on my husband's truck, just feet from our door. It's starting to feel more omen-like, so I looked it up online-

This is an excellent link, it spoke of the Tarot connection. More lore i found:

• Native American dreams revere the hawk and eagle the way the Greeks revere Zeus and Hermes. The hawk is the warrior-visionary while the eagle is the sacred wisdom and power. To dream of hawks is to see oneself as engaged in, but outwitting, opponents through the ability to perceive more completely. It may also be a dream of providing adequately through skillful acquisition or insightful manoeuvring.

• Hawks are observant and perceptive messengers from the spirit world. They symbolize noticing the big picture, using your talents, omens, dreams, courage, defense, wisdom, illumination, truth and experience. They are connected to Horus, Ptah, Rehu, Seker, Amenti, Apollo, Artemis, INdra, Ahura Mazda, and Mithras.
  
  
• The hawk was the principal sacred bird, and was identified with Horus and Ra, the sun-god. The souls of kings were supposed to fly up to heaven in the form of hawks, perhaps due to the kingship originating in the hawk district in upper Egypt. Seker, the god of the dead, appears as a mummified hawk, and on his boat are many small hawks, perhaps the souls of kings who have joined him.

Hmmm, I wonder what this hawk means to me, other than I need to keep an eye on my little dog! I don't want him to get snatched.

It's happy 47th ...choke...sob...birthday for my sweet husband, Daniel! The first birthday I celebrated with him was his 18th... I'm happy be still be sharing cake with the guy! Last weekend when we woke up we had THAT view out our door. (Notice our recently cut HUGE and DEAD pines...) Today I have to scoot, off to the market, meeting friends there! More later..

Well, I'm back. Geeez, Dan gets so tired of my upbeat chattiness, I want to tell my life story to everyone I meet at the market, and he is a very quiet, leaning toward bitter, kind-o-guy. I can see where I could be a drag, but he should have to live with a bitchy, angry person for awhile for comparison. It's not so bad to live with an optimist.

I saw Peggy at the meat store (geeez, what would I have to write about if I were a vegetarian), I went to college with her, back when my firstborn was a baby. She said she was just thinking of me this morning, while vacuuming. She said I wrote a piece for our English class about when company popped in, you spray Pledge in the air, and make those sweeper lines in the carpet, and it gives the illusion of a clean house... I had forgotten writing that, but it sounds like me. I was thinking I should go in the basement and fish out my old essays. It would be a snapshot of who I was at 26... it would be a nice perspective point for the laura i am today, a full-on woman, girl no more.

Anyway, it was soooo excellent to see Peggy- you know how you go along and you don't see someone for months or years, but when you meet it's like kismet all over again? The conversation flows as if there was never a 2 year lull, I always says that's a friendship that feels like "comfortable shoes". Peggy is a great pair of shoes!

Further, it's good I met her again now, I'm in a position to be a friend to her, the last time we met I was very low, just after my dad died, and now, at this point in my life I'm capable of BEING a friend again.

You know, this has been an amazing summer, full of the most sensational emotional highs and lows supplied by both family and friends. I had a crossroads where I could have chosen to dwell on my problems, on my anger, to cry and stew. But i thought of my dad. My father was an amazing man,- at 90 he was walking to a gym to work out- but his liver illness took hold fast, and caring for him during that time taught me so many things. All his life was a gift to me and our family, but as he died, he really modeled for me how to live. He greeted every day with a "oh, it's a great morning isn't it?" and he was truly happy to see us, an upbeat outlook. He took pleasure in all the small things- snow uninterrupted by squirrel prints, a well-cooked egg, the minutiae of life that just felt good. He had an insatiable curiosity to the end; he was really interested in the people around him, and expressed his love freely. All of this while knowing he was dying.

How could i, when faced with a disappointment in my life, when feeling let down by the people I love, or angry about the choices that face me, how could i face my obstacles with anything less than those attitudes evinced by my father as he faced insurmountable odds? Anything I'm facing is not life or death.

So, This is how i got over great disappointment this summer... I worked on my attitude and outlook, because people don't like to hang around with negative people. I tried to think before I spoke, and i kept more in. I don't have to share all my issues all the time. So, there I have bottled up anger, what then? I wrote and wrote and wrote and wrote. Pages of how I felt, just to help me get my thoughts organized. It was better than bombarding other people with my thought spores all the time, infecting people with a bad moood like black lung-black heart, instead. Then, after awhile I was able to get past it, stop writing, and get more interested in the people around me. And, not dwelling on anger, I was more accessible. During this time, I didn't rush my healing process; I took more pleasure in the small things, focusing more on my senses, using this time when i felt vulnerable to try to rework some of the things in my life with which I was unhappy, cleaning up habits and house, both. i worked on doing good things for other people, and being responsible for myself, and once comfortable with me, I discovered a mellower me, a me I like better, and a me I'm ready to share. And just this week i have had two lovely old friends come back into my life. And like the old dominos, good things keep happening, and the bad and scary that has come at me, I am more prepared to deal with.

That's what i did with my summer, inside my head. Oh- outside my head i kept busy busy busy! Cooking and cleaning and painting and reading and spending a lot of really great family time.

And that's how I got over my problems this summer, oh that, and lexapro, baby. NEVER skip your meds. It makes my clear thinking possible.